Cancer and the Holidays
In the best of times, the holidays can be a stressful experience. They are busy, expensive, emotional, and wrapped up in a sometimes messy sense of what should be rather than what is. Add a cancer diagnosis and treatment realities to the mix (not to mention a global pandemic!) and, well, that is a lot of stress.
This time of year, it is important for cancer patients and their families to make room at their proverbial holiday tables for cancer. Sometimes the best and most effective form of coping is to acknowledge the loss and uncertainty cancer brings and if not make peace with those things, at least make room for them.
If you are a cancer patient or love and care for a cancer patient, now is the time to think about what you can do to best cope with the upcoming holiday season. Here are a few things to consider that will help you do that:
Acknowledge how cancer has changed things for you. Being in cancer treatment or having recently completed treatment may change some of the realities of your life. You may have new and temporary physical limitations. You may have financial expenses related to cancer. You may be living with fear and uncertainty that causes anxiety or depression. Your family dynamics or relationships may be strained. Think about how cancer has impacted your life before setting any holiday expectations.
Set reasonable expectations. Maybe the things you love to do most during this time of year will be more challenging for you. If you are known for hitting every store in town in search of the perfect gift, baking up a storm, hosting and cooking for a large crowd, and putting effort into decorating your home inside and out, this may be a year to scale back or modify your holiday routines. Think about what you love most about the holidays and then prioritize those things or modify them if necessary.
Create new holiday traditions. If sharing a big meal with friends or family is a favorite tradition, consider shifting to a potluck rather than cooking a full sit-down meal. If baking cookies to give away is an annual effort, consider gifting hot cocoa instead. This may be the year to discover and practice the Danish custom of hygge, embracing the simple pleasures of life with good people you love. No excess is needed, and the practice is all about finding joy and comfort in small things.
Focus on your health. It is easy to overindulge during the holidays. Too much sugar and alcohol and not enough rest can be common habits this time of year. If you are a cancer patient, though, those things can hit harder for you. Cancer treatment impacts energy and appetite, so watching both things during the holidays is important. Try and pace yourself and work to balance activity and rest, healthy meals with more indulgent food.
Ask for help and set limits. You may be used to doing it all or driving the holiday engine for your family and loved ones, but this may be the year to let others do for you. Many people want to help the people they know and love who are living with cancer, but do not know how. Identify a few things that you could use help with and let those around you know what they are. Learning how to say no, to invitations and requests for assistance, may help you better manage the holidays, too. Preserving your energy for things that are most important to you will help create meaning in a difficult year.
Express your emotions when you can. By talking about your feelings, you are releasing the tension that builds up when experiencing the challenges of cancer. Find a trusted family member, partner, friend, or professional to help you process the stresses of cancer, which may intensify during the holiday season.
“The holidays are about hope and joy for so many people,” says Dr. Srilata Gundala, hematologist/oncologist and founder of Hope & Healing Care Centers in Lombard and Hinsdale, Illinois, “but it may be difficult to feel joy or hope while going through cancer treatment or caring for someone living with cancer. Looking for the small opportunities that offer those things during the holiday season and long days of winter is so important. Living with cancer gives my patients the opportunity to learn that they may be stronger than they imagined. That strength will be helpful during the holiday season.”
Cancer support centers may be helpful for people living with the uncertainty of cancer during the holiday season. You can learn more about them HERE.
Written By: Sheila Quirke, MSW
Reviewed By: Srilata Gundala, MD
