Telling Others About Your Cancer Diagnosis
It is difficult to hear from your doctor that you have a diagnosis of cancer, and telling your family, friends and loved ones is not much easier. While still reeling from the news, you may find yourself in the uncomfortable position of needing to share with others. How, when, who and what to share is all something to consider. There are a few factors that may help center your thoughts as you begin to tell family, friends, and those close to you of your cancer diagnosis.
Who to Tell?
Most likely, the first person you speak with about having cancer will be your spouse, partner, or the person closest to you that you rely on the most – that may also be a parent or a close friend. It is so important to have a person you can lean on while going through cancer treatment.
If you are a parent, you will need to tell your children. Their ages and individual personalities will determine how you tell them, how much you tell them, and when you tell them. Younger children will react differently than teens, sensitive kids may react differently than happy-go-lucky children. You know your children best, which makes you the expert on how to share the news of your cancer with them.
When to Tell?
The timing of these conversations is something only the patient can decide. Some patients may wait until they have more information and have gone through the staging process. Others may tell a close circle of supporters early on to help process the new diagnosis and all that goes along with that. You may choose to tell your family and friends first before telling your employer and co-workers.
Depending on the type of cancer you have, and treatment recommended, there may be physical signs of being a cancer patient that reveal your status before you even say a word. Things like hair loss or weight loss may tip those who know you that you have had a change in health status. It is a good idea to prepare yourself for that possibility and how you might handle it when or if it happens.
What to Tell?
As the patient, this is entirely up to you. The level of detail you provide and how much information you choose to share is for you to decide. There will be a certain amount of trial and error as you do this, too. It is a good idea to establish boundaries about what you are comfortable discussing. Some things you may be ready to share and others not, some questions you may be ready to answer and others you may not even have wanted to ask yourself. Consider all these possibilities before you expand your circle of who knows about your diagnosis.
As the news of your diagnosis gets out, you may also find that people want to help and be supportive. Rather than decline these offers of assistance, you may benefit from identifying a few things that you are comfortable receiving help with. It could be yard work or childcare, rides to appointments, meal preparation, or donated gas cards. Many folks want to contribute and show their support, so know how you could take advantage of those offers comfortably.
How to Tell?
It may feel awkward, draining, or devastating to have the same conversation over and over. While your circle may be hearing the news for the first time, there is no need to think that the only person they can hear that news from is you. Identifying a point person who can relay the news of your cancer diagnosis to others who are interested is both efficient and a tool of self-preservation, allowing you to focus on your health and treatment.
There are online journals you can use, or you may even choose to share on your social media feeds. Be cautious with the news, though, as once it is made public, your social circle may seek updates that you are not always prepared, wanting, or able to provide.
Find Local Resources
Your clinic or oncologist’s office may be able to help you through this process. While the experience is new to you, the professionals around you have been doing this for a long time. Srilata Gundala, MD, a hematologist/oncologist and the founder of Hope & Healing Care Centers in Lombard and Hinsdale, Illinois is a big fan of reaching out and finding others to help you with the process of talking about your cancer, “My patients are all unique individuals and respond to their cancer differently. Some need to talk about it with many people, others are more private about who they share their news with. Both of those approaches are okay. If you ever need support when talking with your family about your cancer, let your doctor know. They can help you and answer questions or connect you with local agencies that can help.”
There is no right or wrong way to talk about your cancer. Only you can decide what works for you. Be gentle with yourself as you start this process and work to remember that while you cannot control everything related to your cancer, who knows what is something you do have a say over.
Written By: Sheila Quirke, MSW
Reviewed By: Srilata Gundala, MD
